"I know," wrote Zamiatin, "that
I have the very uncomfortable habit of saying not what is
advantageous at a given moment but whatever I believe to be the
truth. I never concealed what I think of literary servility,
toadyism, and coat changing. "
-- from: Introduction to
And I keep being unwell and as I also keep having the same unfortunate habits as
Yevgeny Zamyatin, of whom more in the above link, that is to a
pdf (11 MB) of his best known book, a classic description of the
and mindset, of which more in the Nederlog of
August 2, I do maintain the quotation of his and my habits.
This is the more appropriate, since I'll have to do a little
warning and some rubbishing, namely for and of the MECFS-forum,
led by CFS since 1998 (he claims) and Patricia Carter (in a
state of living death, she claims, or so I understood).
The links provide some background, and this may grow into a theme
on this site, for I do not feel that Master Since, as I shall call him,
incidentally not a polite man, and Mistress Patricia Carter, incidentally
far from a polite woman, as you shall find below, are fit to speak
for this patient with ME, and also, according to this patient with
ME, are totally unfit to speak for any genuine patients with ME.
Incidentally, you should realize that the
MECFS-forum is since July 19 totally forbidden territory for me, that
I cannot access at all, for this
stated reason by the anonymous neurasthenic ("70%") Master Since (like
Nietzsche and Master Eric no democrat, Master Since said) and Mistress
Patricia Carter, both lying through their teeth:
The reason was apparently - since of course people who can write and
think as they can do not wish to argue with someone like me - that I had
the temerity to have objected to the
neurasthenic Nietzschean Master Eric, whose full contribitions
to ME-, XMRV- and Nietzsche-studies will be soon on this site, with
my learned philosophical and other comments. Enjoy!
At the moment I don't have much time and I don't have much health, but
here are some links for background, in case you are interested, e.g.
because you were one of the original 50 or 60 lured to the new
MECFS-forum by its promise (as I was):
The brief summary of the story comes to this:
Many of the original crew of posters on PR-F (Phoenix Rising) - who
initially had made it by their common efforts and enthusiasm into a fine
and promising forum - started to feel more and more uneasy since
February-March, after Kim was removed as
administrator of PR-F by machinations of Cort Johnson I don't rightly
know all about, since they happened, as everything on PR-F, behind the
scenes with no or hardly any information given, and when it emerged Cort
Johnson ("The Creator of the Phoenix Forums", as he bills himself:
members posting have nothing to do with it, it seems) was
almost totally unmovable as regards Graduated Exercise Therapy,
something the CAA and professor Peter White (of KCL-fame) are great
proponents of, but which anybody with real ME since years,
having been forced to exercise to keep alive, do shopping, and
keep the house somewhat clean, to weeks, months or years of extra misery,
knows to be dangerous nonsense, for people with ME.
Not so according to Cort, who has found benefit in the
amygdala-therapy and in light exercises, while his friend, who
got miraculously cured (or almost) from ME, exercises a lot, to
his lasting benefit. You'll find some selections of the thread here:
From then on the atmosphere on PR-F got slowly worse and worse, mostly
because the moderators behaved and spoke as - I am a psychologist
- a bunch of demented sado-masochists.
After having had my own missing foreskin thrown in my face
on the day of the
65th commemoration of WWII and the murder on more than 100.000 (more than
1% of the total population) Dutch citizens of supposedly inferior race, I
first removed my posts and stoppped by contributions and then
removed myself on May 23, after witnessing this
which to this 60 year old psychologist and philosopher seemed an
exercise in SM that should never have happened and should have
been stopped immediately, but of course wasn't.
Note that this was my own initiative: I just do not want my
name or my posts associated with a site where administrators and owners
assign themselves the freedom to treat genuinely ill people the way they
do, and I do not want to get my missing foreskin thrown in my face by
some anonymous very sick sadomasochist protected by The Owner Of The
However... that is a very Zamyatanesque way of thinking
and feeling, not given to more than 1 in 10.000 or so, like a decent
intelligence also, and therefore few seemed to have understood or
appreciated me or my unease with this manner of treatment, apart from Kim
and a few others, who felt sorry for me (which is fair enough, but then I
don't get sad or afraid: I get angry, indeed especially about abuse of
power and authority).
Then by the end of May the good news came that
there was a new forum for people with ME in the process of being
created, namely by Kim (who was totally disappointed with
Phoenix Rising, where she had been much abused by the staff, although she
was by far the best administrator and moderator - which very probably was
precisely the reason why she was abused) and by someone I hardly knew and
had not at all been impressed by from his contributions, namely Master
Now let me provide a list of the people Master Since and
Patricia (she of the bloodbank scare: a reliably sane lady) have since
managed to remove, kick out, or offend so much that they have removed
themselves - and I provide here only a list with brief explanations, that
require some background knowledge of the members of PR-F, later of ME-F
till their removal, but which is special, since it is a list of the best
and most effective writers on PR-F:
- June 5: Kim suddenly leaves, taking away all her
posts, and giving no explanations.
I take it, unless I am refuted with evidence, having read her both at
May 28 and June 5, to a strikingly different effect, that she was
expertly fucked over by Master Since. Kim was by far the
best administrator and by far the best moderator on PR-F, not only
according to me, but according to most members.
- June 12: Shrewsbury gets barked at as if she were
some sort of slave, after having worked exceedingly hard for the site,
by Master Since. Shrewsbury was one of the hardest working and most
effective posters as regards scientific publications and many other
things. Nobody said anything, except for me (Zamyatinesque,
you know: Character is destiny), and Master Since got mightily irate,
but since he has a mini-brain and a lousy style, didn't dare to say
- July 7: Maarten Maartensz decides to pull his posts,
after contributing a month, with quite a few others, and after some
initial hesitations since many member of the early days felt that
Shrewsbury had been rudely maltreated, but were not eager to say so in
public, though a few did. See
ME + me : On infecting and storming blood banks
for my reasons why, including the special nazi-style of folks that
Master Since and Mistress Carter have invited for just this job. At the
time, I give my own opinions on my own site:
ME + me : What the real me thinks about Animal Forum - 2.
(Incidentally for those who are curious: I don't rightly know, since I
have 2 and have had 3 sites, all mirrors, but I have had around 10
million hits, collectively, the last 14 years - which is not bad,
for a site like mine, that does flatter
no one, and is about difficult subjects, like
and being ill for decades
without any help but minimal dole).
- July 18: Maarten Maartensz's totally silent stand in,
Manuel from Barcelona, is suddenly excluded from ME-F, without any
explanations, but for - I guess - a very clear reason:
ME + me : Unsere ME-Fuehrerinnen und
ME-Fuehrers: Master Since and Mistress Carter do not feel done well by
me, and indeed I do not feel done well by owners of ME-forums who try
to entice members of ME-forums to do illegal and/or immoral acts. There
are no explanations other than the above graphic
quotation, then directed at Manuel (not "Guest"). But neither he
nor I ever broke any forum-rule, or if either of us ever did, nobody
ever told which and how. In brief, on ME-F one is treated as filth, if
the this gives the admins or the moderators a kick, and clearly it
does, in quite a few cases, not just me.
- July 20 (ca): ME Agenda gets badly upset, by one of
the neurasthenic old biddies moderating it, probably with a hidden
psycho-analytic agenda, namely Jane Clout, who is a strange character
who may be Simon Wessely's sister in law; has a lot of money; and a
nice (trained?) way of underhanded insult. Jane Clout claims she has
ME, "since one and half year", from which she is mostly cured, she
claims. She never wrote anything decent and reasonable that I saw (if
not pinched), although she flattered me grossly (that I don't like, for
I have been in politics, and recognize it for what is: attempts at
manipulation). ME Agenda, aka Suzy Chapman, by contrast to Jane
Clout, has done an enormous amount for people with ME,
especially through her site,
that is a a goldmine of ME-related information. She has been active for
persons with ME as advocate since 8 years, and has a son who
has ME since 12 years, and is one of the few advocates for persons with
ME who does not have ME herself. Jace Clout (whose having ME I
very much doubt, but that is parenthetical) seems to do her very best
to offend Suzy Chapman as much as she can, and indeed tries to take
over Suzy's lead in various things outside ME-F, but without Suzy
Chapman's abilities, though with her own odd psychiatric seeming
meddlesome halfbrained interference and indeed succeeds, and Suzy
- July 22 (ca): Dreambirdie works very hard
to make a video about ME, in which she does not mention the site of
Mistress Carter and Master Since, because she thinks - correctly -
there is hardly any decent scientific documentation about ME on ME-F,
at this point in time. Now Dreambirdie was one of the members with most
posts on PR-F, is talented, and is normally a very peaceful Buddhist,
with care for all, and no unkind words for any.
Here is the message Mistress Carter (= Wildaisy) sent her, in
Dreambirdie's words on PR-F:
Unfortunately, I am being attacked on the "other forum"
for providing a link to this site
instead of theirs.
The message Wild Daisy sent you was:
You don't think for a minute anyone is buying your BS do you?
Of course, now that all the Good Science people have left PR
and come to this forum, no one on Cort's forum knows how to
interpret all the articles in their vast library (which Kim assembled,
before Cort chased her away).
I am so exhausted from
this kind of nasty. It really sucks.
Thus Dreambirdie, quoting The Fuehrerin Of ME-F.
- July 23 (ca): Adam, who had posted a lot on PR-F, but was -
justifiedly - not happy with the course it took, had been asked to be a
moderator, next to Jane Clout and Flo, and had accepted, but gave up,
it seems because of the things said to ME Agenda and Dreambirdie and
because of Master Eric's the neurasthenic
Nietzschean's totally insane or evil bullshit, that few but he and
I objected to. (Whether Adam also left ME-F I can't say now, since I am
a subhuman, albeit with ME, who is not fit to be allowed to even perceive
the glory that Master Since and Mistress Carter have crafted, so that I
have to permit blindly that people speak "for patients with ME" who I
think are totally unfit to speak for ME, and indeed for
anyone rational and reasonable with ME. Indeed, I am censored nowhere
in the world, except by Master Since and Mistress Carter, it
would seem because their business cannot bear to be open to my
view and honest critical powers.
- July 25 (ca): Cold Taste Of Tears, briefly CTOT,
earlier removed from PR-F by Cort Johnson, also objected against
Master Eric's the neurasthenic Nietzschean's
totally insane or evil bullshit, and did so in what seems to have
been a good post. Master Since and Mistress Carter, and their willing
executioner Jace did not think so: They want Reeves, undiluted Reeves,
in a sauce of wonky Nietzschean-related idiocies, with a lot of
neo-darwinism from the US American extreme right and the more gory and
cruel Bible-quotations thrown in as spice. Whether CTOT left himself or
was thrown out I don't know, but he too is no longer there. It may have
to do also with the doings of Alison The Beauty Queen, who lives
in Switzerland, and has an Eric-like hang-up and deep admiration for
Eric's ravings, with the appropriate use of language: Crude, demeaning,
dishonest, impertinent - and see
ME + me : On CDC-"science"
for the dear lady's technique. (If one objects, she starts wining
she is innocent; it's all your fault; anyway you are
not a proper sort of person for this forum or discussion; and she
can't be blamed for anything at all, for she is a neurasthenic (in
part) with severe cognitive problems - she says, and claims ME,
a claim this psychologist finds very hard to believe, though issues she
has galore, is true, it would seem. (And baby, there are special
clubs for your kind of hang-up. With people of your own kind!)
- Aug 1 (ca): Craig1947, briefly Craig, one of
Dr. Myhill's helpers and organizers,
well liked on both forums, and clearly someone who has done a lot for
persons with ME, has had enough, for a reason I don't know at all, and
removes himself and his posts from ME-F.
- Aug 3-4: ME Agenda, who had meanwhile returned because
members on ME-F, who knew her from PR-F and admired her wanted her
back, and because she has a lot of material on and around ME to
present, gets drawn, on cruel purpose, into a protracted totally
silly argument with moderator Jace Clout, administrator Since, and
member Alison aka Awol (and a few other things, later possibly revealed
on this place). Alison the neurasthenic Nietzschean Beauty Queen (she
is much obsessed with her Aryan looks, if truth must be told)
has a fundamental objection to ME Agenda, just like a fresh sadist who
moved in from PR-F has, who calls himself TheGodOfPleasure,
forgetting the S and M, to mislead people, and who works in track or as
a team with Alison and Jane Clout, to insist that ...... ME Agenda's
material about ME is not fit for ME-F, because they themselves
are far too stupid to understand it. This of course is not
exactly what they say:
What they say is that they suffer from "severe cognitive impairment",
and therefore no one must read ME Agenda's material on ME-F, and
in fact she shouldn't be there at all, with such difficult and
ME Agenda tries to defend herself, but she has a team against her, that
specializes in the following, which I call the Michael Sharpe/Alison W
technique, who seem to excel at it (lovers, maybe?) - and note this is
in fact played by anonymous X, Y and Z, who can lie and pose all
they please about whatever they claim to have or lack or live in:
Nobody can control them in anything, and nobody can find them
physically, to teach them a lesson or two:
First you find out what will offend someone deeply.
Having found it you offend him or her deeply and
rudely, but deny you do.
The other(s) of your team move in to accuse the
offended one for feeling offended.
The original offender "apologizes", ambiguously, as if
it is the offenders fault.
The other members of the team accuse the offended of
not being polite.
And offend in one half of the sentence, and deny they
offend in the next.
For those with a hangup on SM it is a
fascinating game. Admins and moderators at ME-F
LOVE it. A few members protest, but get the same treatment from Since,
Jane Clout and
Alison The Neurasthenic Beauty Queen (and 355 posts on ME-F alone in 4
weeks or so, while claiming - I quote - "Severe Cognitive
Impairments", which I indeed, being an old, old psychologist, do
not deny at all, though - my dear Alison - they may not quite
be the problems you (or your head of department) think you
recognize, I'd say, with merely 32 years with the disease you claim,
and more relevant knowledge than you ever may hope to have).
Well... that got a little longer than I reckoned, but then my ends are
A. If you do not like sado-masochism nor are much
enamoured by people who are so
severely cognitively impaired that they can not read,
and if you have ME, you should NOT be on ME-F: That's the folks who set
the tone, and own the lot.
B. Indeed, if you are on ME-F, you are opposed to my
personal interests (*), and the
personal interests of anyone with ME, for you have been
deceived, been lured into a trap, and now are meat for the careers and
plans of Master Since and Mistress Patricia Carter. (I don't know what
they are, but suggest you take a look above.)
C. As in fact with PR-F, my conclusion is that these sites,
under these leaders, do
virtually nothing to help people with ME, and may cause a lot
of damage, namely by
fucking up anybody who has some talent, some initiative and some courage:
See the above list, also for the technique, for it is also the favourite
one at PR-F.
D. Again for both PR-F and ME-F: Most of the members (not
all) are OK, and have no
doubt what they say they have, but I do not believe
that anymore of any of the present administrators and moderators, the
last with a possible exception. I do not know what they think they are up
to, but it surely is not helping me with my
So... I'd recommend everyone to take themselves
off, before they are locked out, like I was, and look from an Awol-safe,
Jace-safe, Oerganix-safe (another moderator who illustrates Lord Acton's
insight that all power corrupts so well, although I have to grant, in all
true logical honesty, this may also be corruptness coming to power),
Since-safe and Patricia-safe distance at their sick antics.
Indeed, personally I can not explain what has gone into them,
so suddenly, that they succeeded in pestering away 9 or 10 of the
hardest working, most effective, best writing, most funny, most peaceful,
most able, or most
interesting people writing on ME-forums, in less than 2 months.
And the cure is very simple, as in case of many dictators and leaders,
but is likely not to be heeded:
Move over; give your position to someone else who has proved
himself or herself; and stop making a pain in the ass of yourself!
P.S. Otherwise, I am today not fit for much:
It's the old dysfunctional belief system playing up, y'know.
And I don't like writing this manner of thing.
So: Alison, Jace, Oerganix, Since and Patricia: Will you please
fuck off elsewhere, and do something more useful with your lives than
making life for people with ME more difficult?!
If not I am after you, and you won't like it. And since we are talking
Master Since, matey: I want a picture and a name for you.
(***) You are responsible, and I want to nake you
responsible, instead of an anonymous weirdo with hangups and a rotten
prose style. I have them for the rest, I think, but you are the
supposed big boss, a function your life and educations made you
totally unfit for, prosaically, intellectually, morally or indeed
humanly, what with your Nietzschean hang-ups, and act like a man and
stand up to be counted and cut like a real individual, instead of Bill
Reeves' anonymous rentboy, hiding in god knows what hell hole.
As Oerganix, your o so very willing executioner of able and honest
people, insists, together with Patricia from living death conviction or
at least sloganization: This is a fight for my life. And you
are not fighting on my side.
So hand over that pic and that name, and don't be a bullshitting
unmanly coward, and act according to your abilities and talents, that
point to the bottom, with hope for the middle, but not the top. Sorry
mate, but someone has to tell you the facts of life: Your nous is
tiny and diluted, alas! You can only hang on to where you are because you
are anonymous, and the people you abuse are ill.
But again, in all realistic honesty:
Or stand down with your gang, and give the site to someone who has
a brain and courage, whether MEKoan, Dr.Yes, Suzy Chapman, Adam or
whoever who really proved he or she did something and can do things, and
who doesn't lie, and doesn't abuse people as if that is their number one
priority in life.
And no, personally I am not a candidate: I have my own sites,
with something in the order of 10 million hits since 1996 (I estimate,
but fairly), on which I am read from 48 to 72 hours every day, on the
Danish one alone. (****) (Also, I really should do
more logical philosophy.)
Thanks, dearie: I'll praise you fondly if you make place for a better
one, in the interest of very many persons with ME, including me. That
your life may take a better turn - if you behave well, for the once. Try
to make a real site, with real content, in a good style, and don't meddle
with persons far more able and honest than you are, especially not in
matters of health: You are not competent.
ETA: Some typos edited on Aug 5, 2010
P.P.S. It may be I have to stop
Nederlog for a while. The reason is that I am physically not well at
all. I don't know yet, but if there is no Nederlog,
now you know the reason.