January 16, 2016
About my computer + about my health


This is a Nederlog of January 16, 2016.

This is not a crisis blog. There are only 2 items, which are quite important to me, but less to other people, namely about my computer and about my health.

In case you are reading my site regularly, I think you should read section 1: The computer works OK so far, but it isn't OK as yet, so it may still stop. I don't think it will, but it may.

1. About my computer

On November 24 last I made a major mistake: I uploaded Ubuntu 14.04 without checking whether it had the High Contrast Inverse option, that provides menus and system files as white text on a black background, which has been very useful to me since June 2012, when my eyes collapsed and I got a serious and painful case of "dry eyes" aka "keratoconjunctivitis sicca".

It was all my own fault, since I had not checked this out. The problem was returning to the 12.04 that had helped me so much, which was difficult because I also had no more USB stick or CD for it. (I now - in 2016 - found one.)

It did work - for more: See "Computer Problems" in December of 2015 - and the brief version is that (1) I have the old system back in the sense that I am running Ubuntu 95 of 12.04 as I was doing on November 23, last and (2) I got most my data (since I made decent back-ups), and (3) the system is today "Up to date", while it also works unproblematically.

Even so, I am still a bit doubtful whether I indeed have a full update, since I moved from version 25 to version 95, but indeed also with a very recent update of the system.

So basically the news is good, but I will have to wait till sometimes in 2016 to be fairly definite that most things do work as before.

2. About my health

I fell ill on January 1, 1979 and the woman I lived with fell ill on January 10, 1979, and (to the best of my knowledge [1]) we are still both ill, and have - I know since 1989, also according to several doctors - M.E. (that I refuse to call by another name [2]).

When we fell ill we both were a few months into the first year of our studies and we studied on study-loans, so that there was no reasonable suspicion that we were fraudulent, as indeed we were not. We also both finished out M.A.s in psychology, while ill, without attending lectures, with excellent marks. (Mine were 9.3 on average, i.e. straight As, and indeed I have a very high IQ, as did my ex.)

The next bit is not about my discrimination, nor about the discrimination of almost everyone else with M.E., but provides a survey of the stages in my health since I fell ill on 1.1.1979, that in turn is based on my Dutch autobiography (the writing of which - still to be done from age 40 onwards - did teach me something).

Stage 1: From 28-30 (1979-1980):
We both fell ill with Pfeiffer in January, and sort of recuperated, but never fully and were after a mere 3 months served the first of many similar medical judgements: In the opinion of the - very young - doctor we were psychosomatic rather than really ill "because" Pfeiffer should be over by 3 months. He was not even correct about Pfeiffer, but that was his medical opinion (also based on solid ignorance about our persons: he had never seen me, and had seen Anna two times: once to tell her she had Pfeiffer and the next time to tell her that she was a psychosomatizer since Pfeiffer hadn't stopped after 3 months).

We remained ill, but we could study (without following any lectures, which makes things considerably more difficult), but we could not do the the 3 months of "Practicum" that were required without help.

We also saw quite a few different doctors, none of whom - many were specialists, who should at least have known of the existence of M.E., since 1965 - had any useful opinion or any help, and quite a few who said that it must be psychosomatic (because they didn't know what it was, whereas it must have been self-evident to them that they knew everything there was to know about medicine - or so I must assume).

Because we were believed by the University of Amsterdam, we were eventually helped, and were offered a house in Amsterdam in 1980 (we were not living in Amsterdam, but briefly outside it) that we accepted.

Stage 2: From 30-33 (1980-1983):
The house turned out to be a kind of trap, although that was nobody's fault but our nextdoor neighbor, who was thoroughly insane, a sadist, and somebody who thought that I was too intelligent to live or talk to the parliament of the UvA, for I was asked to start a student party, and had done so. In any case: He attacked me physically; he threw a lot of waste before our doors; and he kept us awake till well past 4 o'clock with extremely loud operas.

At that time my ex and I learned the social help of Dutchmen: Absolutely nobody cared, and indeed our neighbour was both very aggressive and quite dangerous. This also extended to the municipality: Although we called the police quite a few times they always refused to come except for once, when they told me and others that (literal translation):
"We don't do anything until the bodies are lying on the floor, for all Amsterdammers are assholess"
(they themselves were from Groningen). Our protests against that were never answered.

Both our healths were much diminished by not being able to sleep sufficiently for 3 years (!). In the end, in the Spring of 1983, I fled to England because I could sleep there for a month or more, and did, which improved my condition some, and which also led to my learning about the orthomolecular use of vitamins, that immediately helped me rather a lot (without any faith on my side).

Stage 3: From 34-39 (1984-1989):
By the end of 1983 my ex and I - who had been 5 1/2 years together, of which we were 5 years ill - decided to split up (I was 33, she was 29, and still quite attractive) and I moved to the Tuinstraat by myself. There I also seriously started taking vitamins in large doses, which was a practice very few did at that time, which meant that I had to order them from England or later from a former girl friend who had turned into an alternative healer.

Especially in 1984 and 1985 I grew a lot healthier than I had been since 1979, indeed as compiling my autobiography (since 2013) has convinced me, also because it still is not known what is the cause of M.E. (apart from psychiatric bullshit, which these days lessened considerably), that the only plausible reason is my taking a lot of vitamins. (In case you read Dutch and are interested, you should consult October 30 of 2014: Quite a lot of data.)

This was quite striking but while I got considerably better I never was cured (and indeed did not know what disease I had) and never was capable of doing all the things I could do until 1.1.1979.

Stage 4: From 40-43 (1990-1993):
By 1990 (or indeed before) I was collapsing again: I had been removed from the Tuinstraat in 1985 at a time I neither got dole nor a student loan (the house anyway was too expensive for me living on the dole, but I had been able to pay it from the dole) because I got no dole because I was supposed to get a study-loan, and I got no study-loan because I was supposed to get dole, so I got no money at all, and had since lived on the Elandsgracht, in a small and rather bad house.

In 1988 two things happened that would greatly influence my condition: Mayor Van Thijn of Amsterdam decided that two of his friends got his "personal permission" (according to the letter they had, that I saw) to deal in illegal soft drugs from the bottom floor of the house where I lived, and the landlord let or made collapse the only chimney that I had to use, which gassed both myself and the woman I was living with in September 1988: Both of us lay unconscious on the floor for several hours, and subsequently at least 4 chimney specialists said that the whole situation was "life-threateningly dangerous".

But Van Thijn never reacted at all to my urgent letters (some of which were delivered to his personal doorman), I take it because he was much concerned about getting the millions from the drugsdealers he and the Amsterdam bureaucracy protected: He did nothing whatsoever, precisely like everyone who worked for the City of Amsterdam.

Indeed, when in 1990 the drugsdealers - who also had threatened me with murder, against which the Amsterdam police refused to do anything - were arrested in the Spring of 1990 with 2 kiloos of heroin and 1 kilo of cocaine, and I wanted to lodge a legal complaint against them, this was again totally refused by the Ansterdam police.

By 1991, after again having failed to sleep properly since 1988, I was briefly suicidal. In 1992, at long last, my excellent GP succeeded in getting another house for me (the housing service did not even answer me anymore, after having said in 1985 that they would not do anything for me "because you have a house"), and I did move in February 1992, and also did a last "smoke trial", in the presence of two lawyers, in which it was established that the chimney still (and since 1988) was life-threateningly dangerous, and had been so all that time. None of Amsterdam's bureaucrats did one thing for me nor did they answer my letters.

The new house I lived in was even smaller than the old house, but considerably more expensive, and - since it was on the bottom floor, and in the center of Amsterdam - I again had junkies all day dealing in front of my windows, and also found junkies living in the house and shooting in the public cellar. Besides, I could not sleep there because of noise, and had to move back (aged 42) to my mother's house, where at long last I could and did sleep well, and as a result got slightly better after half a year.

My excellent GP again found a house for me, and this - at long last - was a decent and calm house in a calm neighborhood, and I moved there in the beginning of 1993, which also was the year I got my excellent M.A. degree in psychology, and the year in which my mother's memory started failing radically because of Alzheimer.

Stage 5: From 44-50 (1994-2000)
I was not good all the time, having effectively collapsed in 1994-5, and in spite of taking vitamins, though these may have helped some. But nearly 4 years of insufficient sleep, many murder threats from the drugsdealers and no replies from anyone working for the city of Amsterdam (ALL these years) had pretty much wasted me. Of course there was no help for me: I was a psychosomatizer who even had dared to criticize the mayor for protecting the very rich and illegal drugsdealers rather than myself or ordinary citizens.

But I lived since the young age of a mere 43 for the first time in a decent house in Amsterdam, where I could sleep, and until 2000 I wasn't pestered much by the bureaucrats from the dole.

All these years I was quite weak, though I did succeed in getting an internet connection late in 1996 (having had computers since 1987). I did upload several things to my Dutch site between 1996 and 2000, notably about Leibniz, but since I also had a telephone modem that could maximally transport 28 Kb per second, and usually a lot less, and I had to pay for every telephone tick, I did not upload much till 2000, and was mostly ill and weak from 1994-2000, during which time my mother also died, in 1996.

Stage 6: From 50-52 (2000-2002)
In 2000 I decided to put ME in Amsterdam, much of which consisted of letters I had written about my staying without sleep, with murder threats, and no help whatsoever for nearly four years in Amsterdam, on the site, and started again to mail to Amsterdam and the National Ombudsman. As usual, I got no official replies, though I was repeatedly abused and lied to by the secretary of the mayor (a new one, but still protecting the drugsmaffia as if that brought him millions each year, which I do not know, but consider now more likely than their protecting the extremely rich drugsmaffia without getting a cent for their troubles).

I was also deceived and lied to by Rob Oudkerk, who at that time was an Amsterdam alderman, who turned out to be so degenerate as to talk with me under a completely false name and in a completely false function.

Stage 7: From 52-62 (2002-2012)
When I had established that, I decided that I wanted to do nothing anymore with either the drugsmaffia or the drugsfmaffia that ruled Amsterdam, and instead started writing a lot for my site, starting with my comments on the seven books of Ideas that had been published by the only Dutch writing genius, Multatuli. (Also, Rob Oudkerk was dismissed as an alderman circa 2004 because he was fucking junkies in the polder and sniffing cocaine. Of course he was never prosecuted.)

I did write most of my philosophy section (over 200 MB) in these years, indeed mostly between 2002 and 2009, and much of the rest of the site (presently over 500 MB in all) in these ten years, in which I was all the time not well and rather weak: I did have to go to bed several times during the day, and did little else than write or lie in bed.

I also had to fight off several attempts by the Amsterdam dole to get me - ill since I was 28, then in my 50-ies - to get to work again, which in the end was only stopped in 2011, when I was 61, and that only because I found, at long last, one person who worked for the Amsterdam dole ((?) [3]) who could reason and who did listen: The first such person since 1984 (in 2011).

In 2010, after learning in the end of 2009 that XMRV was supposed to be the cause of M.E. I was for 4 months a member of Phoenix Rising and another English patients forum, but I gave up on both of them after having been sorely offended by postmodern idiots who insisted that they did not need any scientific knowledge to judge scientists, and were at least as good as any scientist. (And I was just being arrogant about my psychology degree.)

In October 2011 I totally gave up on XMRV, that indeed since then has been shown to have nothing to do with M.E. Also, by the end of 2011 I at long last found (by way of Phoenix Rising, indeed) an approach with strong vitamines,
that did help me considerably in the beginning of 2012.

Stage 8: From 62-64 (2012-2014)
I got rather a lot better in the beginning of 2012, but unfortunately I had two problems by June of 2012: In the first place, the improvals stopped, rather suddenly as well, and since the same had happened to quite a few others with M.E. who used the same protocol, part of the reason was soon clear: Something was wrong in the proportions of things I took. However, what it was, was not clear.

In the second place, I got rather unpleasant pain in my eyes, all day, and I was no longer capable of looking at mostly white screens. I went to the eye-doctor, and was told I had dry eyes (keratoconjuctivitis sicca), but was not recommended anything. In the end, I started experimenting with drips, and then my G.P. prescribed "artificial tears", that did help, but also helped quite slowly.

I again did not sleep enough from the second half of 2012 till October 2013, this time not because of mad neighbours or personally protected (by the mayor) illegal - very rich - dealers in illegal soft and hard drugs, but because of pain in my eyes.

But this slowly improved, and by the end of 2013 I could again sleep more or less normally, though I still had painful eyes and still had to drip every two hours.

2014 was a somewhat good year: My eyes still hurt but less, and my health got a bit better because of my vitamin supplements (I think, but this is relatively certain, since I have 36 years of experience with the disease). I also managed to
do quite a lot in my house, and wrote every day for my site, mostly about the crisis, and in part also, since the beginning of 2013, parts of my autobiography.

Stage 9: From 65 onwards (2015)

In 2015 my health was a bit less good than in 2014, indeed all of the year. I do not know why. I did continue with the vitamins, and they still helped, but not as much as during the whole year of 2014.

Also, I got to be 65 and was moved from the dole to a pension, which again was lower than the lowest pension: I get 24/25th of the minimal Dutch pension absolutely everyone gets - except if one is Dutch but hasn't lived in Holland, as happened to me, for I stayed over 2 years in Norway (where I should and could have stayed in 1977).

But I still got some 40 euros more a month than the dole did, and I am extremely glad to be rid of the sado-fascists - "concentration camp guards" according to others  - who ran the Amsterdam dole.

The above was rapidly written in late 2015 and the beginning of 2016. It will probably need to be reviewed a little, eventually, but is basically correct.

[1] I haven't seen her since around 1995, which seems mainly due to the medical idiot with whom she was living, whom I qualify as such because he was effectively a real idiot, and probably still is. At that time she still was ill.

[2] The main other name for M.E. is "chronic fatigue syndrome", which I reject as a name for the disease that I was diagnosed with: It is a psychiatric invention that was designed to pooh-pooh patients' complaints and to deny them their rights as genuinely ill persons.

[3] This was supposed to be a Maroccan women with excellent Dutch, but may have been the new alderman. I don't know, and the Maroccan woman soon disappeared.

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