This is a Nederlog
of January 16, 2016.
is not a crisis blog. There are only 2 items, which are quite
to me, but less to other people, namely about my computer and
In case you are reading my site regularly, I think you should
read section 1: The computer works OK so far, but
it isn't OK as yet, so it may still stop. I don't think it will, but it
1. About my computer
November 24 last I made a major
mistake: I uploaded Ubuntu 14.04 without checking whether it
had the High
Contrast Inverse option, that provides menus and system files as white
text on a black background, which has been very useful to me
since June 2012, when my eyes collapsed and I got a serious and painful
case of "dry eyes" aka "keratoconjunctivitis
It was all my own
fault, since I had
not checked this out. The problem was returning to the 12.04 that had
helped me so much, which was difficult because I also had no more USB
stick or CD for it. (I now - in 2016 - found one.)
It did work - for more:
See "Computer Problems" in December of 2015
- and the brief version is that (1) I have
the old system back in the sense that I am running Ubuntu 95 of 12.04
as I was doing on November 23, last and (2) I got most my data (since I
made decent back-ups), and (3)
the system is today "Up to date", while it also works unproblematically.
Even so, I am still a bit
doubtful whether I indeed have a full update, since I moved
version 25 to version 95, but indeed also with a very recent update of
basically the news is good, but I will have to wait till sometimes in
2016 to be fairly definite that most things do work as before.
2. About my health
fell ill on January 1, 1979 and the woman I lived with fell ill on
January 10, 1979, and (to the best of my knowledge )
we are still
both ill, and have - I know since 1989, also according to several
doctors - M.E. (that I refuse to call by another name ).
When we fell ill we both
were a few months into the first year of our studies and we
studied on study-loans, so
that there was no reasonable suspicion that we were fraudulent,
indeed we were not. We also both finished out M.A.s in psychology,
while ill, without attending lectures, with excellent marks.
9.3 on average, i.e. straight As, and indeed I have a very high IQ, as
did my ex.)
next bit is not about my discrimination, nor about the
of almost everyone else with M.E., but provides a survey of the
in my health since I fell ill on 1.1.1979, that in turn is based on my
Dutch autobiography (the writing of which - still to be done from
onwards - did teach me something).
Stage 1: From 28-30 (1979-1980):
both fell ill with Pfeiffer in January, and sort of recuperated, but
never fully and were after a mere 3 months served the first of many
medical judgements: In the opinion of the - very young - doctor we were
psychosomatic rather than really ill "because" Pfeiffer should be over
3 months. He was not even correct about Pfeiffer,
but that was his
medical opinion (also based on solid ignorance about our persons: he
had never seen me, and had seen Anna two times: once to tell
had Pfeiffer and the next time to tell her that she was a
psychosomatizer since Pfeiffer hadn't stopped after 3 months).
We remained ill, but we
could study (without following any lectures, which makes things
considerably more difficult), but we could not do the the 3
"Practicum" that were required without help.
We also saw quite a few
different doctors, none of whom - many were specialists,
who should at
least have known of the existence of M.E., since 1965 - had any useful
opinion or any help, and quite a few who said that it must be
psychosomatic (because they didn't know what it was, whereas it must
self-evident to them that they knew everything there was to
medicine - or so I must assume).
Because we were believed
by the University of Amsterdam, we were eventually helped, and were
offered a house in Amsterdam in 1980 (we were not living in Amsterdam, but
briefly outside it) that we accepted.
2: From 30-33 (1980-1983):
house turned out to be a kind of trap, although that was
but our nextdoor neighbor, who was thoroughly insane, a sadist,
somebody who thought that I was too intelligent to live or talk to the
parliament of the UvA, for I was asked to start a student party, and
had done so. In any case: He attacked me physically; he threw a
waste before our doors; and he kept us awake till well past 4 o'clock
with extremely loud operas.
At that time my ex and I
learned the social help of Dutchmen: Absolutely nobody cared, and
indeed our neighbour was both very aggressive and quite
also extended to the municipality: Although we called the police quite
a few times they always refused to come except for once, when
me and others that (literal translation):
"We don't do
anything until the bodies are lying on
the floor, for all Amsterdammers are assholess"
(they themselves were
from Groningen). Our protests against that were never answered.
our healths were much diminished by not being able to sleep
sufficiently for 3 years (!). In the end, in the Spring of 1983, I
fled to England because I could sleep there for a month or
more, and did, which improved my
condition some, and which also led to my learning about the
orthomolecular use of vitamins, that immediately helped me rather a lot
(without any faith on my side).
Stage 3: From 34-39 (1984-1989):
the end of 1983 my ex and I - who had been 5 1/2 years together, of
which we were 5 years ill - decided to split up (I was 33, she was 29,
and still quite attractive) and I moved to the Tuinstraat by myself.
There I also seriously started taking vitamins in large doses,
was a practice very few did at that time, which meant that I
order them from England or later from a former girl friend who had
turned into an alternative healer.
Especially in 1984
1985 I grew a lot healthier than I had been since 1979, indeed
as compiling my
autobiography (since 2013) has convinced me, also because
it still is not known what is the cause of M.E. (apart from
bullshit, which these days lessened considerably), that the only
plausible reason is my taking a lot of vitamins. (In case you
Dutch and are interested, you should consult October 30 of 2014: Quite a lot of
This was quite
but while I got considerably better I never was cured (and
indeed did not know what disease I had) and never was
capable of doing all the
things I could do until 1.1.1979.
Stage 4: From 40-43 (1990-1993):
1990 (or indeed
before) I was collapsing again: I had been removed from the Tuinstraat
in 1985 at a time I neither got dole nor a student loan (the house
anyway was too expensive for me living on the dole, but I had been able
to pay it from the dole)
because I got no dole because I was supposed to get a study-loan, and
I got no study-loan because I was supposed to get dole, so I got no
all, and had since lived on the Elandsgracht, in a small and rather bad
In 1988 two things happened that would
greatly influence my condition: Mayor Van Thijn of Amsterdam decided
that two of his friends got his "personal permission" (according
letter they had, that I saw) to deal in illegal soft drugs from
floor of the house where I lived, and the landlord let or made
the only chimney that I had to use, which gassed both myself
woman I was living with in September 1988: Both of us lay
the floor for several hours, and subsequently at least 4 chimney
specialists said that the whole situation was "life-threateningly
But Van Thijn never reacted at all to my urgent letters (some
were delivered to his personal doorman), I take it because he was much
concerned about getting the millions from the drugsdealers he and the
Amsterdam bureaucracy protected: He did nothing whatsoever, precisely
like everyone who worked for the City of Amsterdam.
Indeed, when in 1990 the drugsdealers - who also had threatened me with
murder, against which the Amsterdam police refused to do anything -
were arrested in the Spring of 1990 with 2 kiloos of heroin and 1 kilo
of cocaine, and I wanted to lodge a legal complaint against them, this
was again totally refused by the Ansterdam police.
By 1991, after again having failed to sleep properly since 1988, I was
briefly suicidal. In 1992, at long last, my excellent GP succeeded in
getting another house for me (the housing service did not even answer
anymore, after having said in 1985 that they would not do anything for
me "because you have a house"), and I did move in February 1992, and
also did a last "smoke trial", in the presence of two lawyers, in which
it was established that the chimney still (and since 1988) was
life-threateningly dangerous, and had been so all that time. None
Amsterdam's bureaucrats did one thing for me nor did they answer my
The new house I lived in was even smaller than the old house, but
considerably more expensive, and - since it was on the bottom floor,
and in the center of Amsterdam - I again had junkies all day
front of my windows, and also found junkies living in the house and
shooting in the public cellar. Besides, I could not sleep there because
of noise, and had to move back (aged 42) to my mother's house, where at
long last I could and did sleep well, and as a result got slightly
better after half a year.
My excellent GP again found a house for me, and this - at long last -
was a decent and calm house in a calm neighborhood, and I moved there
in the beginning of 1993, which also was the year I got my excellent
M.A. degree in psychology, and the year in which my mother's memory
started failing radically because of Alzheimer.
Stage 5: From 44-50 (1994-2000)
I was not good all
time, having effectively collapsed in 1994-5, and in spite of taking
vitamins, though these may have helped
some. But nearly 4 years of insufficient sleep, many murder
threats from the
drugsdealers and no replies from anyone working for the city of
Amsterdam (ALL these years) had pretty much wasted me. Of course
there was no
me: I was a psychosomatizer who even had dared to criticize the mayor
for protecting the very rich and illegal drugsdealers rather than
myself or ordinary citizens.
2000 I decided to put ME in
Amsterdam, much of which consisted of
letters I had written about my staying without sleep, with
threats, and no help whatsoever for nearly four
years in Amsterdam, on
the site, and started again to mail to Amsterdam and the National
Ombudsman. As usual, I got no official replies, though I was
abused and lied to by the secretary of the mayor (a new one, but still
protecting the drugsmaffia as if that brought him millions each
which I do not know, but consider now more likely than their protecting
the extremely rich drugsmaffia without getting a cent for their
But I lived since the young age of a mere 43 for the first time
decent house in Amsterdam, where I could sleep, and until 2000 I wasn't
pestered much by the bureaucrats from the dole.
All these years I was quite weak, though I did succeed in
internet connection late in 1996 (having had computers since 1987). I
did upload several things to my Dutch site between 1996 and 2000,
notably about Leibniz,
but since I also had a telephone modem that
could maximally transport 28 Kb per second, and usually a lot less, and
I had to pay for every telephone tick, I did not upload much till 2000, and was
mostly ill and weak from 1994-2000, during which time my mother also
Stage 6: From 50-52 (2000-2002)
I was also deceived and lied to by Rob Oudkerk, who at that time was an
Amsterdam alderman, who turned out to be so degenerate as to talk with
under a completely false name and in a completely false function.
Stage 7: From 52-62 (2002-2012)
When I had established that, I
I wanted to
do nothing anymore with either the drugsmaffia or the
Amsterdam, and instead started writing a lot for my site, starting with
my comments on the
seven books of Ideas that had been published by the
only Dutch writing genius, Multatuli. (Also, Rob Oudkerk was dismissed
as an alderman circa 2004 because he was fucking junkies in the polder
and sniffing cocaine. Of course he was never
I did write most of my philosophy
section (over 200 MB) in these years,
indeed mostly between 2002 and 2009, and much of the rest of the site
(presently over 500 MB in all) in these ten years, in which I was all
the time not well and rather weak: I did have to go to bed several
times during the day, and did little else than write or lie in bed.
I also had to fight off several attempts by the Amsterdam dole to get
me - ill since I was 28, then in my 50-ies - to get to work again,
which in the end was only stopped in 2011, when I was 61, and that only
because I found, at long last, one person who worked for the Amsterdam
dole ((?) ) who could reason and who did listen:
The first such person since 1984 (in 2011).
In 2010, after learning in the end of 2009 that XMRV was supposed to be
the cause of M.E. I was for 4 months a member of Phoenix Rising and
another English patients forum, but I gave up on both of them after
having been sorely offended by postmodern
idiots who insisted that they
did not need any scientific knowledge to judge scientists, and
were at least as good as any scientist. (And I was just being arrogant
about my psychology degree.)
In October 2011 I totally gave up
on XMRV, that indeed since then has been shown to have nothing
to do with M.E. Also, by the end of 2011 I at long last found (by way
of Phoenix Rising, indeed) an approach with strong vitamines,
that did help me considerably in the beginning of 2012.
Stage 8: From 62-64 (2012-2014)
got rather a lot better in the beginning of 2012, but unfortunately I
had two problems by June of 2012: In the first place, the improvals
stopped, rather suddenly as well, and since the same had happened to
quite a few others with M.E. who used the same protocol, part of the
reason was soon clear: Something was wrong in the proportions
of things I took. However, what it was, was not clear.
In the second place, I got rather unpleasant pain in my eyes, all day,
and I was no longer capable of looking at mostly white screens. I went
to the eye-doctor, and was told I had dry eyes (keratoconjuctivitis
sicca), but was not recommended anything. In the end, I started
experimenting with drips, and then my G.P. prescribed "artificial
tears", that did help, but also helped quite slowly.
I again did not sleep enough from the second half of 2012 till
2013, this time not because of mad neighbours or personally protected
(by the mayor) illegal - very rich - dealers in illegal soft and hard drugs, but
because of pain in
But this slowly improved, and by the end of 2013 I could again sleep
more or less normally, though I still had painful eyes and still had to
drip every two hours.
2014 was a somewhat good year: My eyes still hurt but less, and my
health got a bit better because of my vitamin supplements (I think, but
this is relatively certain, since I have 36 years of experience
the disease). I also managed to
do quite a lot in my house, and wrote every day for my site, mostly
about the crisis, and in part also, since the beginning of 2013, parts
Stage 9: From 65 onwards (2015)
In 2015 my health was a bit less good
2014, indeed all of the year. I do not know why. I did continue with
the vitamins, and they still helped, but not as much as during the
whole year of 2014.
Also, I got to be 65 and was moved from the dole to a pension, which
again was lower than the lowest pension: I get 24/25th of the
Dutch pension absolutely everyone gets - except if one is Dutch but
hasn't lived in Holland, as happened to me, for I stayed over 2 years
in Norway (where I should and could have stayed in 1977).
But I still got some 40 euros more a month than the dole did, and I am
extremely glad to be rid of the sado-fascists - "concentration camp
guards" according to others - who ran the Amsterdam dole.
The above was rapidly written in late 2015 and the beginning of 2016.
It will probably need to be reviewed a little, eventually, but is
I haven't seen her since around 1995, which seems mainly due to the
medical idiot with whom she was living, whom I qualify as such because
he was effectively a real idiot, and probably still is. At that
time she still was ill.
 The main other name for M.E. is
"chronic fatigue syndrome", which I reject
as a name for the disease that I was diagnosed with: It is a
psychiatric invention that was designed to pooh-pooh patients'
complaints and to deny them their rights as genuinely ill persons.
was supposed to be a Maroccan women with excellent Dutch, but may have
been the new alderman. I
don't know, and the Maroccan woman soon disappeared.