1. About Nederlog
Yesterday I wrote briefly about
Gore Vidal and why I do not write more than briefly about the DSM-5.
Today there is some text on the topic of Nederlog.
I have been mostly - not: only - writing the entries in Nederlog during
the last month or so with considerable difficulty.
This is a bit odd, because I am feeling better now than I have
been doing most of the last 11 months, when I did not have such trouble
writing them, and because I seem to be getting to be like myself again,
which - I can assure you - I have certainly not been doing
since June 2012 at the latest, the reason being especially my eyes,
which I feel all the time - or at least: have felt all
the time, until some ten days ago, when I stopped feeling them some of
the time, which indeed was and is quite pleasant.
What is the reason I am now having problems with Nederlog? I am not
Until 2012, the Nederlogs existed because at some time during the day I
felt like writing one, and generally did so, usually very fast,
in one go, and without any hesitation. Also, I
generally had sufficient energy to do something besides that, though
this differed, and usually not immediately after writing a Nederlog.
My main difficulty since 2012 is mostly the speed with which I
write: It is considerably less, mainly because I feel - or felt
- my eyes most of the time, which makes it quite a lot harder for me to
enter and remain in the state of flow
(<= Wikipedia, and something you ought to take a look at, if you
want to understand this exposition).
Now that this has been going better again, at least the last 10 days,
when I have slept my previously quite normal near 8 hours for the first
time since nearly a year (!), one would
expect that this would make writing easier, but it did not.
In fact, it seems to have made it a bit more difficult.
Then again, another odd thing is that, while I have had no serious
problems whatsoever for sleeping what must have been months of
4-5 hours of sleep each 24 hours, which was and is so unexpected and
strange that I have made it an important reason for recommending B12
for people with my type of disease (since this was the only factor
involved that differed from the preceding 32 years), I am only now
getting problems, at a time these problems should disappear.
And mind you what it is that I am getting problems with: With sleeping,
and not with other things, for I have been changing things for about a
month now. I cleaned more; I went out some more; I wrote some more ...
it's just these Nederlogs that are giving me problems, and one
problem is that I am usually feeling "tired" ("fatigued", exhausted)
when I want to be writing some Nederlog.
Having thought about it, I conclude that it is mostly the flow-problem: I certainly have not felt less
tired during a large part of the period of Nederlog-writing, but I
could usually put a stop to it through being busily engaged e.g. on
writing a Nederlog.
The price for that was normally that I was more tired when I
had finished it, but did not feel tired while writing
it, and it is precisely that which now is absent: it is
difficult to start a flow and keep it going until the end of the
article has been achieved. In fact, this usually does not happen.
So that's one problem mostly laid to rest: I need to be able to get
into a state of flow that maintains itself until I finish the
article - but I cannot do this, either at all or uninterruptedly, when
I am feeling my eyes nearly continuously.
Having solved that problem, let me consider a few others:
First, there is the problem of topics; next, there is the problem of
lengths; and third there is the problem of Nederlog itself.
Topics. Generally, I get a topic briefly before
writing about it, write about it, and that's it. I almost never do any
research, and I almost never think: I know what I think anyway,
and all I need to do is to write it out.
This has been different during the last month, or somewhat
less, and it seems the main problem was and is that I have decided to
change Nederlog some.
I have written about this before, and the general idea is that I return
to how it was until 2010: Far less concern about ME/CFS, and
(far) more about other topics, indeed of any kind, the only condition
being that they interest or concern me.
Again, this is not so much - at the moment: this really was a problem
most of the last year - due to having very little energy, but due to
the combination of having written a lot about ME/CFS since
2010, and having done that in English rather than in Dutch,
while also I have given up most of Holland.
But OK: This is clear enough, and shows I need to do some more thinking
about how to shift back, and indeed some more thinking about whether I
want to keep Nederlog in English.
Lengths. Again, this usually did not produce a
problem - I started writing, and had my piece when I stopped. As it is
now, at least the last month or so, I stop fairly often, and check how
much I have.
That is not a good way of doing it, but probably will solve itself.
Nederlogs. As it happens, I do not need a
Nederlog anymore, since the end of 2011, when I was adviced, in witing,
that I do not need to do any solliciting, and do not
need to work, until May 1, 2015, which is just a week before I get to
be 65, and become pensionable.
Until then, I did need some sort of Nederlog, to show I could
defend myself in writing, and be sure of being read. 
In fact, I feel quite sure it is due to - especially, but not solely - Nederlog
that I am still alive, even though my situation in the dole has been
abnormal since it's very beginning in 1984. 
Now it is hard to decide that, but that is hard only
because everything in Amsterdam has been kept in the dark for
me: No question of mine has been answered, not even for very
elementary things, and I have been lied to interminably. (I forego
illustrating that here. See ME
in Amsterdam, if you read Dutch and want to know.)
I therefore take it as I have put it here, and provisionally decide
that while there is no real need for a Nederlog these days, there still
is a desire to have them, on my part.
So where does this leave me?
Basically, where I was before writing this, except that I have gained
My problems are basically due to not being able to write with flow and to not having made my mind up on how to
change Nederlog - and will most probably disappear if I get less pain
and come to some sort of decision about Nederlog.
Well... it's something, even if it may not have satisfied my readers.
Then again, this is the best I can do for the moment.
 That is quite true.
Also, the absolutely only explanation for this very odd fact is
that I had, all the time from April 2012 onwards, extremely
high B12 values, which I did not have any time before, or at least not
any time before 2010. Also, it is quite true that before that even one
night with sleep less than 6 hours was enough to cause me very
serious problems, I think since 1.1.1979, when I first fell ill, and I
know for certain since 1992, when I at last could escape from the house
I lived in.
 That is also quite true. I do not think
this was really serious until 2007, but then it did get quite serious,
and since I could only do what I said I could do, I really would have
been dead if I had given in.
 That is: 27 years of being made
into a member of the dole while I was ill, without any sign
that I was not ill, but until 2007 - that is: for 23
years - no need to do any work or any solliciting. If I had been a
member of the Dutch academic world I could have had a pension at my
53rd, around 2003.
(that I prefer
to call M.E.: The "/CFS" is added to facilitate
to call M.E.: The "/CFS" is added to facilitate
search machines) which
is a disease I have since 1.1.1979: