ME + me: Relief at last from the Phoenix Forums
| "There are no good guys. There are no bad
guys. Mladic is my colleague. Please don't shoot the piano-player."
-- Lt.col Karremans, Dutch troopleader in front of
Srebrenica, addresses Gen. Mladics, with a summary of Dutch
morality as prescribed by his Dutch Government. (Result: Over 8000
murdered, though no Dutchmen, happily.)
"Odi profanum vulgus et arceo."
-- Hor. Od. 3, 1, 1.
preparing to find real men)
Yesterday my text was this:
I continue being not well and this is just a very short piece to register
that all my posts to the Phoenix Forums are now on my site, albeit it in
need of some better editing:
Incidentally, this constitutes the effort of 17 days of work (and 4 MB of
texts spread over 380 files) for it was not easy with my presently lousy
Here is the explanation, in the terms of an email I wrote today to one
member of the forum that could not find my posts or name, incidentally
just like me this morning:
Here are question and answer, with the name deleted
Hi Maarten, I
realized I hadn't seen you around for a while, and then could not find
your profile under 'members' so I guess you've de-registered.
Just to say I'll miss you and your intelligent graphic humorous posts!
Indeed I have left the PR-F, because I did not like to have my own
missing foreskin thrown in my face by Mark the moderator, and then have
all the moderators and Cort stand by, smile innocently, and act as if
this is a matter of course. See e.g. here
and it started on May 3. Please note that on
the moment Mark the moderators PMs to me are not on line, that show
better what really happened.
There is a name for this manner of thing - there are several names for
this - that I shall not use but had to appeal to and threaten with in
order to have my name and posts removed from PR.
But indeed they have been, though without any excuses whatsoever, not
any info for me, though at least that sets me free of being associated
The fact that it happened without any excuses - I am not The Owner nor
A Moderator, you see - may move me eventually to settle some scores,
for I do not like to be abused, and also not by idiots, careerists or
sadists, whether they have ME or not.
I fear that the PR-F are going to be be FAR more tame, with lots of
sycophancy also, for many ill people have no other forum or means to be
heard and share, and Mark, Martlet, Kurt and Jody - I may say having
yesterdays thread of moderating through twice - are moderating
because they love bullying, but hate being found out (incidentally a
quite common human weakness).(*)
Aahh well... for the moment I am just relieved I have escaped this with
my posts and name removed, so that I am not associated with it anymore,
and I can work more on my own site and philosophy and logic.
My posts are still on line, for I have worked like a slave - not being
well at all - since May 5 to salvage them for myself and for others who
like to read them. This is the index, that like my posts need some more
I think it is an interesting read: 380 posts, 4
MB of html, but it does at present need some more editing, work and
annotations to make a decent e-book about one of MMs disreputable
attempts to instill rationality or reason among
ordinary men and women.
You'll find between May 3 and today quite a few Nederlogs - e.g. these
explain the matter quite well.
In brief, I've been had because I may be dangerous; Mark did the dirty
work, ably assisted by Bob the LP-troll (or else someone who BADLY
needs mental help: what an awful Uriah Heep creep!); Cort stood
by and smilingly approved; and if I hadn't threatened with the word
they could not think of themselves, and reminded them kindly I can
rubbish them all in any public discussion without Jody, Mark, Martlet
and Kurt moderating, my posts and name would probably still be there,
and quite possibly heavily edited by Mark, so as to point out how
offensive I really am, for clearly he is that manner of "man".
For me, PR is a lost cause: The people leading it do not have the size
for it to do it well, neither morally nor intellectually. That's not
their fault, but they are intelligent enough to know this, and there
and then it gets to be false, egoistical and careerism (for Cort, who
is welcome to that, but not with my unpaid assistance and
internet-name) - or alternatively (what do I know?) Cort has a deal
with the CAA, and he and they possibly sincerely believe a huge
community of castrated sheep will be a major force in liberating sheep.
(I also am sincere in holding
ordinary men cannot be trusted to put the ills in the world right -
it would be a virtual paradise if they were - but then I am also
not lying "respectfully" to ordinary men while telling them they
are just as good as anybody, if not a bit better - and in fact my real
position is rather like many saints and
cynics, and here I
mean: members of
that philosophical school in antiquity.)
However... in the interest of the people on PR, most of whom have
little alternative, I have desisted from saying what I really think
about PR and the mode in which it has been run, and indeed I will not
(having also better things to do, and being really ill, unlike many a
troll lovingly regarded by moderators for the flattery and respect they
give freely and honorably esp. to moderators and owners: if you want to
be respected yourself, regardless of any intelligence, courage,
character or the life you dared to lead, crawl you must, and smile with
it) - that is, I desist unless I find a reason for it (which I hope not
to, but may).
For the moment I go simply on with my own site
; have more time for
logic; and need not worry about my foreskin being again thrown into
my face nor about respectful trolls for LP vomiting their "respect"
all over me, or whatever of the typical joys of life I've learned to
associate with PR-F: One may not speak the truth on the forums if the
truth displeases The Owner or The Moderator, who yesterday have made as
clear as they possibly could without public hanging, that they
are the boss, and members better beware and be polite, and be full of
praise, especially for moderators, with IQs that are appr. 50 points
less than mine (as was) - and yes: here I am, in my own fashion,
exonerating Jody. ("Stupidity and egoism are the roots of all vice."
Buddha - "and they are mostly innate", MMs politically incorrect gloss.
O, and "In any institution everybody rises to his level of
incompetence", either Parkinson or Peter's law: forgot for the moment).
Personally, I don't mind for myself, since I have my large site, that
is well-read for reasons of philosophy, not ME, and I like to
have my hands free and no claims on my health or energy or time, but
this is not the way to further the cause of people with ME, now
in the firm knuckledusted hands of Jody and Co, who mean very well
indeed, and if you don't believe it: Off with your head! (As
happened to Lily, who is an intelligent woman with character, and as
little prepared to falsely flatter as I am. However, that's the fate I
wanted to avoid for me, for I want since May 5 off WITH my name, posts
and reputation off as well, instead of my words hanging there with my
name next to it, fit to be pilloried, edited, and covered with
epithetons by moderators without real mind nor active morality.)
I am not surprised but nevertheless a bit sickened by the lack of spine
shown yesterday by most on the Moderators-thread. It reads effectively
like verbal SM, which is what it was, on the part of the moderators,
but no doubt it is I who am disrespectful saying this, while
also abusing my academic degrees, as if psychology or logic could
conceivably be relevant, Bob the Heep-creep will be glad to tell you,
meanwhile flattering you, and blessed by Cort and the moderators also:
Ye shall R E S P E C T folks, especially the creeps, the sycophants,
the insane, the cruel, the liars, the ignorant, the lazy and the
idiots. History shows after all that all men (and women especially) are
the equals of the best, and that's why life is such a blessing, and
also why people with ME are so well cared for.
Anyway, as far as I can see... Cort wants only people weaker than him
(a weakness of most "leaders", by the way); he is willing to let
moderators like Jody, Mark, Kurt and Martlet indulge their partially
unconscious desires to hurt and demean; he is not willing to even
consider evidence that he or his moderators are unfair or unreasonable;
and we accordingly have
in his (on the forum mainly: her) Full Glory. (There's a
nice table under the last link. Jody, for one, just doesn't have it in
her to really - verbally is not the same - understand what Level
III is about, indeed like the vast majority. "Forgive them Lord, for
they don't know what they do." (?))
I agree Cort probably means well for the most part, if you were to say
so, and he did a lot of hard work to get PR going, but he just is not
the type to lead such a group, which indeed also is difficult to do
well and easy to botch. What he should do is share power and
responsibility with gifted people, of which there are quite a few on
the forum of his own nationality, but he doesn't seem to want to do
anything special with precisely those I can identify quite confidently
as special and as not one of the more common more typical weaker
brethern or sisters, full of good intentions, verbally at least, but
lacking in talent or will-power. (And I am not at all talking about
In the end, and as far as I am involved or concerned, in this and other
matters, it very probably is really a difference between the highly
gifted (who choose neither to lie nor manipulate) and the rest, and as
the world is, the outcomes are probabilistically predictable. (I loose,
the comparatively 10.000 to 1 Marks and Jodys and Bobs win,
de-mo-cra-ti-cal-ly and re-spect-ful-ly. Except that I may be read
after I am dead, for which reason I better attend to that.)
What is left to hope, you may ask? That real scientists find some real
bio-medical explanation for ME RSN, for that will be necessary by 2012,
if and when the new DSM-5 gets instituted as planned now, for else a
mass of suicides may be expected, I fear, especially if the economy is
still is in a mess, as it is likely to be.
If PR is the best the patients can do - and it still is quite good as
regards exchanging information and finding likeminded similarly
afflicted - there is little hope for ME-advocacy: It really must come
from real science. And indeed it is - alas - quite rational to fear
that PR is not far from the best that average patients, who are after
all ordinary avarage folks, albeit it quite ill, can achieve, when
gathered in large groups.
And I like quite a few persons on the forum, and blame them not for any
of this business that packed me off from PR-F, and indeed most have
little choice but staying if they want to exchange ideas with
likeminded friends. Also, it seems quite probable for me that a large
group of patients, and apart from a few real rotters like Mark and Bob
(that come with any large unsorted group, and usually are fast in the
top, having no conscience), cannot do much better than PR-F, and that
for effective advocacy a smaller much more selective group is needed,
if it is not to come completely from really independent really
intelligent persons who can't be submitted by the average and dare to
be who they are and say what they think.
P.S. It is a pity though for the many I have come to like on the
forums, I think, and I have had rather a lot of praise and kindness
PM-ed to me. In fact, the people to blame are mainly Cort, Mark, Bob
the LP-troll (alternative: the cognitively and morally braindead one),
Jody, Martlet, Kurt and whoever else "owns", "administers" or
"moderates" PR. (Incidentally: The money it takes is little, and the
talent too: All it takes, next to a computer, is a website, that is
cheap these days, a good html-editor, and some savvyness with
computers. I.e. it is not as if Cort and co. run an outfit that
is beyond the financial or intellectual power of very average people.
However, I won't set up a Forum myself, because I want to do philosophy
and logic, and don't know who I should do it with, also having seen the
average level of humankind, with or without ME, once more in its full
glory, while I am meanwhile 60 and have at least 50 unwritten books in
P.P.S. I may use this mail for my Nederlog for today, in which
case (i) I will remove and not mention your name and possibly (ii) add
a little salve, although I am not certain about that, since I did write
the truth as I see it, and indeed have been silent
about much I could
O, in case you don't know:
www.maartensz.org is my regular site. (There are two others, mostly
mirroring. I must have at least 1000 distinct readers every day, and 8
to 10 times as many hits, in fact mostly in my philosophy-sections.
Clearly, I am unworthy to stand on equal footing with Bob or Jody or
Mark, and ought to respectfully defer to them and their likes, for the
world to be put right again.
Why the salve has been missing:
I have not applied "the salve" I spoke of, for four reasons
First, I am quite angry morally speaking: It was a most
shitty thing to do, morally speaking, and I have been complaining
about it with all concerned from Cort downwards since it started, and
have not received a single excuse, clarification or what not;
Two, as I have mailed Cort almost immediately it was completely
unnecessary: If only Mark and Bob had done the everyday decent things
they very well know how to do (or would have stood opposite of me
or I would know who they really are or where to find them, they
would never have dared to) - it is sick, degenerate, cowardly and
Three, the absolutely least that was necessary, long ago also, was a
very generous polite excuse, and the wherewithall that this could never
happen. But no: Also no mental and moral size, and
not enough real self-respect based of facts -
for that is what is at the basis of what happened : smallness of
Four, I have been intentionally demeaned, insulted and abused
by Mark certainly, by Bob certainly unless he is quite insane, that may
be so, though it is far more probable he is just a morally sick person
who loves the game he is playing anonymously, like a major coward, and
also in the most goddamn awful ugly prose, like a true Uriah Heep creep,
like Batavus Drystubble in Multatuli's "Max Havelaar": Nauseating,
very nauseating, just like Mark, but he at least is less creepy
with (outside PM, that is!) and writes not as bad, if not clear at all
and on strange stilts.
So gentlemen: It was small, it was cowardly, it was stupid, it was
mean, and it was intentional, and if it ever comes to pass that
any of you has the ill luck getting where I can start gunning at you -
verbally, argumentatively, pictorially - and not at an anonymous shadow,
a mere hull of a man, a mere travesty of rationality and reason, hidden
behind the pretensions of doing good work for ill people, and I think it
may serve some useful purpose, or will prevent you from exercising power
over others, you'll get it, for I despise cowardly cruelty, and have
received enough of that because of my illness and my courage and my
talents to recognize it.
And where I come from, people just don't do this to people, and
you don't need to explain that either - but then indeed we are not
all highly gifted and born from very brave persons.
So... what changed?
- I am no more to be found on the Phoenix Forums: both my name and
all my posts are gone (at least: that's how it seems to be: If anybody
finds differently, I'd like to be informed)
- I am no more a member of the Phoenix Forums
- Those who want to read me have to come to
- There are few links left on the Phoenix Forums (if any) that link
directly to my site
- Those who want to read the 380 excised posts find them here:
MM on ME on Phoenix Rising
- I will work more on my site, on philosophy and on logic (although
not well, the last months)
Anything else about ME or the Phoenix Forums?
- I will keep following the forums (that are still quite OK to find
information about ME), and may write about it here (in Nederlog) or in
another section of the site (if so, indicated in
the ME-section) but I give no
guarantees as to frequency, subjects, or tone - and note
- this does enable me to speak my mind more fully about the
Phoenix forums, if I feel like it
- there is no need to worry about me: The plights of e.g.
Dr. Yes or Koan are far more real, awful
and important (and indeed I feel quite well, whence the "relief" in my
- my position about ME is totally unchanged (and I am also still
quite the same
since 40 years also, indeed to my own amazement, but yes: I am me and
dare to be me, in a world of phonies and hypocrites)
- I still do want a new computer, with a webcamera, to see what is
possible with that, but this depends on quite a few things, such as my
- if per chance you want to mail me
(and are not Mark nor Bob) you can do so, and I will very probably
reply politely and friendly, but I will not make a forum out of it.
- O, a final point of some human importance:
Except those I blamed by name I blame no one, and nobody
is responsible for my words or acts but me and me alone,
and I am not in cahoots with any one, and have never been. If
someone on the forums takes my supposed shortcomings out on you, for
whatever reason, you can mail me.
As to ME/CFS (that I prefer to call ME):
1. Ten reasons why ME/CFS is a real disease by a professor
of medicine of Harvard.
2. Long essay by a professor emeritus of medical chemistry about
maltreatment of ME.
3. Explanation of what's happening around ME by an investigative
4. Report to Canadian Government on ME, by many medical experts.
5. Advice to psychiatrist by a psychiatrist who understands ME is an
6. English mathematical genius on one's responsibilities in the matter
of one's beliefs:
is wrong always, everywhere, and for anyone, to believe anything upon
7. A space- and computer-scientist takes a look at psychology.
8. Malcolm Hooper puts things together status 2010.
me! alas, pain, pain ever, forever!
No change, no pause, no hope! Yet I endure.
I ask the Earth, have not the mountains felt?
I ask yon Heaven, the all-beholding Sun,
Has it not seen? The Sea, in storm or calm,
Heaven's ever-changing Shadow, spread below,
Have its deaf waves not heard my agony?
Ah me! alas, pain, pain ever, forever!"
- (Shelley, "Prometheus Unbound")
"It was from this time that I developed my way of judging the
Chinese by dividing them into two kinds: one humane and one not. "
ME -Documentation and
ME - Resources
Supplements on ME
ME - Resources
needs is a Work In Progress that hasn't progressed today.
(*) I have a longer file with "fine" quotations
proving this without any doubt, but it is not pleasant reading, as
is the whole
thread of moderating. The longer file may be here tomorrow or gets to
MM on ME on Phoenix Rising.
This I hope to do the coming week, if I find the health, since
collectively it makes quite a few good points; is mostly well-written;
shows rather a lot about both the good and the bad sites of the Phoenix
Forums; and also shows me in another way than the rest of this site,
albeit I am quite recognisable anywhere from my prose, ideas and values.
(***) The same can be said about the whole
thread of moderating: No way a Jody would dare to treat, or indeed be
allowed to treat, many of the far more intelligent and more learned women
on the forum in an ordinary public, with names known, and consequences of
immoral acts made accountable.
(****) In general, I can possess my mind calmly
in contempt, and have other and better things to do. However, for Cort it
cannot be a pleasant foresight, for while I blame him less than Mark or
Bob, it was his moral duty ro reign in Mark. He didn't, and the
way he didn't plus what happened makes him quite vulnerable, and will not
help him get credit with real scientists. (I therefore am indeed happy
that I have not involved some real scientists who might very well
have been interested.)
Incidentally, I suspect both Mark and Bob from being quite other
than they say, in part because nothing like this ever happened to me,
though I had to wade through lots of shit directed at me, and Bob is just
so goddamn awful, so utterly low and despicable, that he well may be a
KCL-psy trying to smother anyone on PR with any proven talent and
character. Also, if you are a real backhanded sadist, his play is just
So one lesson is that in anonymous environments, where people are
effectively unaccountable, unfindable and unidentifiable, major rotters
have all the liberty their rotten hearts desire.
(And finally, ladies Martlet and Jody - see the whole
thread of moderating - who are both so very religious in
Christian ways: I have not been saying anything about human weakness and
badness and sinfulness that your saints have not been saying, and you
know it. You should be ashamed of yourself - but no: you are no Bobs
nor Marks, although it would be wise and nice if other people could and
would take over from you and from them - but I much doubt it will happen,
for both _Kim_ and Katie are far more capable than you are, in quite a
few relevant ways also, but declined to do it, no doubt for good reasons,
having nothing to do with real abilities and real good will, but with
information they have about the goings on behind the scenes, about which
I have no idea).
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