May 14, 2010


  me+ME: MEtaMethical Meditation


"It was from this time that I developed my way of judging the Chinese by dividing them into two kinds: one humane and one not. It took an upheaval like the Cultural Revolution to bring out these characteristics in people (..)"
   (Jung Chang)

Ah! mon ami, je m'en vais enfin de ce monde, où il faut que le coeur se brise ou se bronze.
  (dying words of Chamfort) (^)

After yesterday's display of everyday MEdical sadism against patients with ME, albeit in a very frightening context where the patient to whom it happens is doomed to undergo this without protesting too much because he is physically 24 hours per day within the power of those who maltreat them and malpractice medicine on him, and after some days of irritated reporting about the 'moderation' on the Phoenix Rising forums (see below), that I have praised much and that deserve much praise, but also, as-is and as-is-run deserve considerable criticism, which alas isn't really possible at present on the Phoenix Rising forums, here are some MEtaMethical Meditations on me and ME, preceded by a list of clickable sections:

0. What is a MEtaMEthical MEditation?:

In part, a bit of a private joke, for which see the lemmata Metamathematics and Metaphysics in my Philosophical Dictionary. In brief, and more or less colloquially, meta-discourse is discourse about some discourse, or talk about talk, or writing about writing. Hence, such a meditation as this is writing about me and ME, notably from a rather high and abstract point of view, and trying to provide context and establish relations between the talk talked about and what it is about, and more comprehensive domains of things, talks and thoughts, including possibilties and guesses.

1. What nauseates me:

What nauseates me about what I wrote in what is related here, with some context, background and hints for explanations and diagnoses :

is the level, tone, anonymity, style, dishonesty, partiality and bias in moderators of the Phoenix forums, and the facts

  • that anonymous complaints to anonymous moderators, some grossly incompetent and unfair and possessed of hidden agendas or personal ires, may result in one's posts being partially deleted and edited with defaming epithetons to the effect that the writer of the post has somehow failed to express himself or herself correctly, according to an ukaze of some anonymous moderator;
  • that one cannot discuss some topics rationally on the forums without being corrected by incompetent ignoramuses without any qualifications who insist on resetting all parameters of rational discussion by populist fallacies and phony claims of and demands for "respect" -
  • which means in effect that one should attend to incompetent and ignorant "analyses" of things far better writers and thinkers of the forums have adequately disposed of;
  • that these manner of things happen on a public forum where any thread or post can be picked up as "of the ME-Community (at Phoenix Rising)" and involve respectful exposition on the forums of propagandistic lies and propaganda, that also, if they deserve treatment and all, deserve so elsewhere on the internet, and not on a forum for ME-patients;
  • that there are quite a few members on the Phoenix Rising forums who do not seem to be patients with ME, or ME-advocates, or supporters or caretakers of persons with ME, even though they may claim to be so;
  • that there are trolls on the forums that one may not discuss on the forums while any steps against who is or is claimed to be a troll are at the discretion of the moderators, without discussion or justification;
  • that the moderators are not elected by the members of the forums and indeed that few are willing to do it or to discuss sensibly by what rules;
  • that the existing rules are not well-chosen;
  • that there is no fair and clear means of removing members definitely or for a while (as posting members, for anyone can be guest) by a vote of X senior members, for example, with names and reasons also, polite if not necessarily "respectful", nor hypocritical;
  • and the fact that, after deception also, my own posts are castrated and put on the forums in this castrated form (without asking, saying or warning, while I have repeatedly publicly said I do not accept this manner of things with my posts) that my prose is publicly, anonymously, without my permission, consent or knowledge, declared to be

offensive to Dutch (..) members (0)

(as it is undoubtedly to fanatic mullahs and nazis, or so I hope) who insist that I may not publicly mention the facts of the Dutch Collaboration with the Nazis between 1940 and 1945, that lead to over 100.000 Dutch civilians of all ages being gassed for reason of belonging to the wrong race: Things one may NOT learn on the Phoenix Forums, for these matters are, so some anonymous spokesman of its owner, with the owner's consent, declares to be, ignorantly and insultingly to all Dutchmen and their family who did not collaborate or who were murdered and betrayed by Dutchmen, like my father and grandfather

offensive to Dutch forum members (0)

and that, from a moderator, who knows my background better than members of the forum, and who, from previous PMs to me, seems to have serious issues, and that also on the Dutch Commemoration Day these castrated texts of mine appear without my permission, approval or knowledge, because it is publicly claimed, by an ignorant impertinent anonymous Englishman playing the role of moderator falsely, improperly and deceptively that they are

offensive to Dutch forum members (0)

and that he - an anonymous person without qualifications, age, personal knowledge, relevant knowledge or indeed elementary decency and politeness, that I couldn't recognize if he stood before me, and don't want to know at all - writes that

Would it be fair to say: as a humane being, spiritual healing of mm remains impossible in the absence of honest understanding of history? (..)

Also, I had some strange thoughts yesterday...we should probably discuss circumcision and the potential uses of what has been removed - privately, preferably...a sore point...

I find that nauseating, sickening and sick (*); I think it was done on purpose; and it has made me rethink my position with respect to the Phoenix Forums.

2. The main problem: ME+me

My main problem is that I have ME, on the moment quite seriously, next to my having  many interests and a large site or two to maintain, since 14 years now also, with many of my own writings, many classics of philosophy in my editions often with my extensive comments, and that meanwhile I am 60 and have still left much unsaid or less well said and put in context than I can do and think it should be done.

Moreover, what I have in mind with the much that I have left unsaid (as well as I can) does not concern ME at all but concerns philosophy, logic and mathematics, about which I have notes and ideas extending over 40 years, all unpublished or only published fragmentary, mostly in my extensive comments to the philosophical classics.

All my adult life it is this - human reasoning, philosophy, logic, mathematics - that I most wished to study and understand and write about, and I have effectively little time left, even if I were to live till age 85 with my present abilities (that are not what they were before I fell ill, but that is a melancholic subject that I merely touch upon thus parenthetically).

3. The differences of me with ME in Amsterdam

The roles that being me with ME and that living in Amsterdam have played in my life are in quite a few ways quite different from the role that ME has played in the lifes of others having the disease, even if they lived in Amsterdam, for

  • they lack my unique background;
  • they did not "enjoy" my "career" (a student-leader with ME, repeatedly removed from the University of Amsterdam because of my publicly outspoken opinions;
  • they were not forbidden to take the M.A. in philosophy, nor was it made impossible on purpose, because of my complaints, abusing my invalidity and poverty, to take the Ph.D. in psychology [with a brilliant M.Sc. in it],
  • they were not threatened - over a period of 4 years - with murder, while being ill with ME, and almost gassed, almost successfully by drugsdealers protected by a mayor who knew my parents superficially,
  • nor were they, years or decades after publicly writing, speaking and acting concerning these matters, was completely justified in decades of this public criticism of the decline of Dutch education since more than four decades and the criminal incompetence of Amsterdam's mayors, aldermen, police and district attorney as regards drugs by two Parliamentary Reports based on public hearings with witnesses under oath (Parlementair Rapport Van Traa; Parlementair Rapport Dijsselbloem), and
  • nor do they have a large website since 14 years that is quite well-read, at least when reckoning with its genuine difficulties for the most part, and with its total lack of attempts to flatter any of its readers,
  • while indeed it is a website that is by far the larger outside the sections about me with ME in Amsterdam,
  • although indeed the sections which do detail my position with ME in my personal life and with regard to my rights to see my human and civil rights in Holland to see protected and maintained instead of wilfully destroyed for the benefit of corrupt and incompetent Boards of Directors of the University of Amsterdam; for the benefit of corrupt and incompetent and grossly illegal Amsterdam mayors, aldermen, police commissioners and district attorneys; and for the benefit of the drugsmafiosi and drugscorrupt Amsterdam civil servants these protect;
  • ALL of which, with or without my extensive well-documented history of my ME in Amsterdam is quite different from anything that I read of anybody else I know of, while also
  • the last installed mayor of Amsterdam - for Dutchies - possibly soon Holland's new PM, agrees everything on my sire about ME in Amsterdam is the truth and nothing but the truth (and ten long years refused to reply, receive, mail or write me, knowing full well who I am and what my background, qualifications and disease are).

That makes my personal position quite special, although in fact the form of ME I have is quite normal in that it conforms to the Canadian Criterions, Epstein-Barr started variant, and is supported in written diagnoses by several medical doctors, including medical specialists, and indeed is also again quite 'normal' in the sense that like almost everybody else with ME I do not at all get any of the kind of help people who are ill with other serious diseases do get and have gotten for all the 32 years I have been ill, wheras I and they were denied these rights as a matter of course to me and others with ME, on usually personally offensive, denigrating, false and malicious grounds to the effect that if I and others with ME are not insane the I and others with ME are malingerers.

Finally, speaking of the difference of me with ME in Amsterdam, especially non-Dutch readers should know that my chances of getting publicity in Amsterdam, where I live, whether because of a court-case or because I can do it with more health, because of my background, site and personal history with ME, are much larger than the chances of anyone else I know, in Holland at least, although it is also true that I never sought publicity, because I not that manner of person, I do not have a histrionic personality (as actors and politicians usually do have, as do con artists), I do not like Dutch 'civilization' as-is, and besides I do not have the health for it at all.

4. The Phoenix Forums and me

I much like the Phoenix Forums as a place where one can find very much information about ME and read the ideas, opinions and experiences of many interesting patients with ME, of whom quite a few write quite well, are highly educated, have interesting ideas, and also have often weathered and survived awful medical malpractice and bureaucratical maltreatment with great personal courage and quite well.

However, as I indicated there are various things that are not OK with it as-is, although most of these, at least so far, have not much hindered the basic function of the forum as a meeting place for patients with and supporters of and advocates for them, to exchange information and find likeminded folks and find information about ME.

As a place for discussion and advocacy it does not function well, for the reasons outlined above (and some others), and that is one reason for me, in the first place moved by the pains and miseries and exhaustion that come with my ME, to write less for it than I have done over the prevous 4 months, the brief of which is

  • that I do not want to be insulted, deceived, abused and nauseated by moderators apparently noone can or is willing to moderate or control;
  • that besides I do not want to somehow be manipulated into spending my energy, time and pain on discussing things or defending my human integrity against incompetent or ignorant people, however well-meaning and in the throes of ME;
  • that the forum as-is has methods of operation and publicly outlined opinions I just can't agree to, as outlined;
  • that it contains moderators I absolutely refuse to be moderated by, dictated by, censored by, abused by, lied to by, and who I think simply are neither fit to moderate me nor this forum fairly or honorably; and
  • that, in the end, I shall write only where I can write as I please, and am not moderated or edited, and certainly not in the way, for the reasons and by the quality of people doing that now on the Phoenix Forums (though some mean and do well - but editing, dear ladies, is just not what you or indeed most can do well, especially not of texts of the better and longer posts of some of the excellent writers of the forums whose opinions happen to be different)

The brief of it is that I write only on such places where I am free to write as I please without undue or impolite or indeed nauseating editing and that I shall not waste my time, energy, integrity and good will on debate with the uncounted billions, including - claimed, anonymoys - patients with ME who are unqualified for rational polite if sharp debate about matters that I know a lot of, as also anyone can see who has the politeness or intelligence to take a serious look at my site (and it so happens that I generally desist from discussing or indeed writing about matters I know that I know not much of, there being far too much uninformed baloney in the world as it is).

5. Practically speaking...

Practically speaking, I plan to put all my posts on my own site, with some additional materials perhaps; to try to get some work done on my site outside the ME-part (Aristotle, Multatuli and more); to possibly move or copy the ME-parts of Nederlog to their own directory; and to remain mostly as a mere lurker on the Phoenix-forums, until they improve or grow worse (in which cases I may resp. write more or remove myself).

The problem with doing things at present is that practically speaking as-is I am not well at all and can't do much.

P.S. I am quite aware that the vast majority of the Phoenix Forums, even if they were Dutch, never would write like me, even if they had the abilities to do so. That is fine for me, and each to his own, and there are many members of the Phoenix Forums I like, admire and trust. But not all, and a few rotters can easily destroy thousands gleefully, and indeed have done it, while the end of it is and remains that I shall not be censored by liars or idiots, and not behind my back either, and falsely and deceptively and expressly insultingly as well.

I have far more interesting things to do than extend courtesies with and respect to the intellectually or morally challenged, however much they might desire that.

P.P.S. All written while very poorly, so I'll hope to revise it grammatically tomorrow. (May 15 2010: Most of the mistakes I saw were repaired late yesterday evening.)

See also as to ME/CFS (that I prefer to call ME):

1. Anthony Komaroff

Ten discoveries about the biology of CFS (pdf)

3. Hillary Johnson

The Why

4. Consensus (many M.D.s) Canadian Consensus Government Report on ME (pdf)
5. Eleanor Stein

Clinical Guidelines for Psychiatrists (pdf)

6. William Clifford The Ethics of Belief
7. Paul Lutus

Is Psychology a Science?

8. Malcolm Hooper Magical Medicine (pdf)

Short descriptions:

1. Ten reasons why ME/CFS is a real disease by a professor of medicine of Harvard.
2. Long essay by a professor emeritus of medical chemistry about maltreatment of ME.
3. Explanation of what's happening around ME by an investigative journalist.
4. Report to Canadian Government on ME, by many medical experts.
5. Advice to psychiatrist by a psychiatrist who understands ME is an organic disease
6. English mathematical genius on one's responsibilities in the matter of one's beliefs:
   "it is wrong always, everywhere, and for anyone, to believe anything upon
     insufficient evidence
7. A space- and computer-scientist takes a look at psychology.
8. Malcolm Hooper puts things together status 2010.

"Ah me! alas, pain, pain ever, forever!

No change, no pause, no hope! Yet I endure.
I ask the Earth, have not the mountains felt?
I ask yon Heaven, the all-beholding Sun,
Has it not seen? The Sea, in storm or calm,
Heaven's ever-changing Shadow, spread below,
Have its deaf waves not heard my agony?
Ah me! alas, pain, pain ever, forever!
     - (Shelley, "Prometheus Unbound") 

    "It was from this time that I developed my way of judging the Chinese by dividing them into two kinds: one humane and one not. "
     - (Jung Chang)

Supplements on ME

(0) As it happens: Precisely one, who had claimed my prose is "rude", without any reason, justification or qualification.

(^) Readapted for me with ME:

It was from this time of having ME that I developed my way of judging the Dutch by dividing them into two kinds: one humane and one not.

For so much of the suffering of it for me was totally unnecessary and was just the gratuitous cruelty of stupid conformists who denied I was in pain in order to cause me more pain while refusing to listen to my arguments and denigrating and denying my human integrity and honesty: Because I insist so much I am ill and in pain and deserve help I am denied help for that very reason and construed as psychiatric proof that I am not ill and not in pain and am a malingerer on dole.

This is just very sick sadism and who can't see this should be sectioned.

tries to make fun of it.

Chamfort's French translated:

"Ah! my friend, at last I finish with this world, where one's must break or bronze itself."

(*) The sicko or KCL-acolyte who wrotes this manages to suggest in real Wesselyte tradition of innuendo, suggestion, maybes and sickening chuzpah, that I am ignorant of Dutch history, that I therefore have no right to write about it on the Phoenix forums; that anonymous slanderers together with moderators without morals or decency determine what may and will be discussed on the Phoenix Forums and in which terms, tones and manners; that I am dishonest; that he has the right or title to dogmatize about what ails me and would heal me; and that an anonymous piece of degeneracy like he clearly is, quality-less, age-less, address-less, face-less, name-less, has the moral right to throw the foreskin of this 60 year old in his face.

Only a very shitty or very sick person does so, in my moral metrics - though of course he may be either a succesful impostor or unconscious griefer, while being a lamer in rational argument or moral practice anyway.

I just do not accept it, as the gentleman who did it also took care to assure himself of in PM before doing it.

But on the Phoenix-forums one should respect such people, especially if they have the August quality of being an anonymous judge and executer at once of moral judgments and appraisals, including slander and defamation, and to be totally outside sanction or indeed protest - except for the few lucky souls like me who have a website and no spine made of plastic.

Besides, this is a man I thoroughly distrust having received his unrequested PMs, which show serious issues or considerable knowledge enabling one to pretend one has these.

Maarten Maartensz

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